slightlyoffchilt | - IC CONTACT POST FOR MASKORMENACE -

[ Walt wanted to argue that if it wasn't for Chilton, he wouldn't have been confused. But at the same time, he didn't want to give the man that power. So he said nothing and focused on the question -- because he had to work through this. How could he even look Jesse in the eyes after this? ]

Wrong. And uncomfortable. And guilty.

Chilton -- I just cheated on my wife with my former student. I viewed him like a son for Christ's sake!

What the hell is wrong with me?

Do you want my professional opinion, Walt? [He waited a moment -- but not a moment long enough that would invite a response. This wasn't a duet.] You have issues. Plural. You're repressive and depraved, and you compulsively fight against those expectations that others place upon you. You crave an outlet -- [any outlet he could dominate and destroy] -- and deep down beneath that scandalized superego you're sporting, there's an id that simply delights in what you have done.

Because now he can't wipe you away, not like he could have before. Even if he wanted to do so.

Wow. Wow. I have issues? You have issues!

[ I'm rubber and you're glue.... as the saying goes. ]

Calling me depraved? Hah! I was drunk! My inhibitions were lowered. It had been so long since I'd been with my wife. No part of me delights in what I just did. I tried to stop it, for crying outloud!

I feel nothing but guilt and regret over it. It's not like what happened with you. I didn't feel guilty at all after that.

You impersonated a fanboy, lied to me, kidnapped me, held me at gunpoint, assaulted me, chemically assaulted me, bought me things for reasons that I'm still parsing through -- and you don't feel guilty? That all happened in a singular session, Walt! One session!

[Chilton abruptly clenched his jaw, realizing that Walt had lured him into an emotional argument -- something rather contrary to what Chilton wished to establish between his role as doctor and Walt's role as patient. He took a deep breath, and continued speaking through clenched teeth:]

You know you will never again see your wife. You're dead in your world, and she isn't coming here. Even if she did, what is the probability that she would forgive you? Hmm, Heisenberg? What's the decimal point likelihood that she'd ever want to look at you again? You already know this, and now you're taking it out on Pinkman. You are hunting for a replacement.

You cannot blame your actions on circumstance.

How many times do I have to tell you before you get it through your damn head -- that wasn't a session!

[ But Chilton's next set of words were vicious. Cruel. A horrible reminder of the life he left behind. ]

You don't know that. [ Though for the conviction his words hinted at, Walt certainly sounded defeated. ] There's a chance she could come here from before. Just like Jesse or Hank. They're here from before everything went to shit. You don't know that for sure!

God -- are you even trying to help me through this? Or are you just going to be a jackass about everything?

If you expected my help to manifest as coddling, Walter, then clearly you hadn't chemically tormented me enough.

[Well that sounded something like a challenge, didn't it? Always easier to whiplash the bravado when one was miles away from the extraordinary chemical nature of Walter White.]

You feel guilty over this breach in paternal propriety for a reason. I'm helping you illuminate why you succumbed to Jesse Pinkman.

[That language, at least, framed Walter as the passive variable in this equation -- not something that Chilton subscribed to, but he knew he couldn't appear wholly unsympathetic.]

Yeah, well -- maybe we should change that.

[ Walt snapped right back in response to Chilton's commentary on the chemical torture. But Walt drew in a deep breath. Succumbed to Jesse Pinkman. It highlighted what Walt was most afraid of after the experience. The scale was tipping. Walt had lost his hold on Jesse. Jesse was doing the things he wanted to do, and Jesse had found a way -- a way to control Walt. ]

We had a fight. Before this happened. I...

[ And then Walt clammed up and closed off. ]

I don't want to talk about it.

[ Walt had to tread carefully with Jesse. This was his last chance to not lose him for good. So maybe it was time to shift focus to someone he could control. After all, Walt had Chilton in exactly the place he had wanted him. ]

You liked the watch, didn't you? I mean, I thought you would. You like those colors and you like expensive things. Are you wearing it right now?

I am. [He said, unthinking, an immediate reaction that slipped between his lips before he could catch it in his teeth. Chilton paused, quietly horrified at himself -- this was the equivalent of coming when called, as far as he was concerned. He hadn't quipped or sneered, he had answered Walt outright.

He had answered a questionably personal query outright. If he was wearing it; the watch itself felt like a locked cuff, and Walt held the other loop.]

And I thank you -- [continued Chilton, to save face.] For your generous donation. Truly considerate of you.

[ That? That was a wonderful thing. The way Chilton answered. The gratitude. Walt was appeased. ]

You deserved it.

[ Walt mimicked Jesse in what Jesse had said to him right before they were intimate. ]

Do you have any appointments for the rest of the night? Or is your evening free?

I have one more within the hour. You've chased off the one I had, it seems. [Which was somewhat disgruntling in of itself, but Chilton made no dwelling comment.] Don't tell me you're otherwise unengaged?

[Where is Pinkman, then? was the implicit tone.]

[ No big loss there. Chilton's time was more important than to waste on menial therapy with ordinary individuals. Even extraordinary individuals weren't nearly as interesting as Walter himself. Walt viewed this as yet another generous favor he was bestowing upon Chilton.

He didn't answer Chilton's question outright, instead countering it with one of his own. Though it wasn't really a question -- more an order that was thinly veiled as a suggestion. ]

Meet up with me for a drink. You can choose the place just to be sure your drink goes untainted. Although I can tell you now, you wouldn't have anything to worry about. I tend not to repeat the same trick twice.

[ Sometimes the methods were the same -- such as the dopamine he offered to Chilton. But the administration, the attack, the delivery were always unique and different. ]

You're still in Heropa, then? Because I'm staying on this side of town. [It was a hedging warning of sorts, a boundary established that might suggest how wary Chilton was -- especially now that Walt had so blatantly called out any insinuation of confrontation.]

There's a gastropub I'm familiar with, something perhaps right up your alley. In fact -- I know you'd like it. Pasteur Prime, that's what it's called.

See. I can be thoughtful too.

I am in Heropa, yes.

[ Though there was a hint of reluctance to stay in Heropa -- if only because they were trying to keep a low profile and there were just so many attachments in this city. But the likelihood of anyone going to the place in question was relatively low.

Small comforts. ]

So thoughtful.

[ Walt remarked dryly -- recognizing the subtle age jab. Bastard. ]

But that sounds fine. I'll be there in two hours. Hopefully you will as well.

[ You better be. ]

I'll meet you there, Mr. White, rest assured. I am a man of my word.

[Chilton didn't say Walt's formal name sarcastically -- it glided off his tongue, perhaps as a natural reaction to the layered paternal manipulation that Walt had been establishing for some time now.

Or perhaps Chilton was reinforcing that subtle age jab, the bastard.]

Because we both know what happens when I'm not.

[WOULD YOU LIKE TO ACTION HERE?]

[ YESSSS ]

[ Walt erred on the side of caution when it came to meeting with Chilton (and perhaps it was a tiny bit in response to the age jab) -- but he chose to go in his stolen face. Lucas Miller wore one of Walter White's suits, which was slightly oversized on him -- but if Walt saw Chilton had come alone or that they weren't in imPort company, he certainly intended on slipping to the bathroom and returning as his true self.

He sat by himself, browsing his communicator. He was the very picture of typical youth. And when Chilton showed up, Walt rose with a cheery smile -- perhaps a little mocking of their first encounter with this face. ]

Doctor Chilton. So good to see you.

[Chilton glanced over to catch sight of Mr. Lucas Miller's face before instinct hyped his limbs to jump. He hadn't expected to see that mask again, not after Walt had his way with the young victim's face. It was disturbing to endure more exposure -- the memory of Lucas's brutal grin while holding that gun to Chilton's head was still vibrant in the psychiatrist's mind.]

Psychological warfare, already? I thought this was supposed to be pleasant, Walt.

[A thought that was exaggerated in Chilton's mouth, surely.]

[ The corner of his lips quirked upward and he shrugged. ]

It was more precautionary than anything else. We do have to be cautious about who sees us together, and how was I to know that you'd actually come alone?

[ His eyes drifted to Chilton's wrist, just to ensure the watch was on him. And then he looked to the door to make sure there were no unwelcome visitors. But it seemed clear. Chilton upheld his end, so Walt offered him the choice. ]

Do you want me to change back? I thought you'd prefer looking at someone younger, considering the company you keep. Doesn't it give the illusion that you're the authority figure here?

Illusion of authority? [Chilton sneered, leaning closer to Walt, even reaching out to grip one of Walt's shoulders with the hand adorning that watch on his wrist. It caught the artisan lighting in its golden gleam.] I wouldn't throw around such loose insults, Walt, not when you're the one looking like a virgin sacrifice.

[He didn't immediately give command of preference -- with a nervous glance around, Chilton just wanted to reassure himself that they weren't drawing any unnecessary attention.]

It would be better if kept your actual form -- and what do you mean? Considering the company I keep?

Chilton, Chilton, Doctor Chilton -- let's not pretend like you have any real sway over me.

[ He reached up to snatch a hold of Chilton's wrist -- gripping the watch and keeping them from making skin to skin contact. ]

Not anymore.

[ His grip tensed and tightened, applying physical pressure -- forceful and possessive. ]

And I think you know what I'm implying. About you and your company. See, I keep younger company because I was once a teacher -- still am a teacher -- as well as a father. But you? You're either trying to reclaim the youth that's slipping away from you or you're more depraved than I am. Matthew did mention his preference to me. And now that I know for sure that's what you're into -- because I always was suspicious you were flirting -- it makes sense why he just couldn't stay away from you.

[ He finally released Chilton. ]

And that girl you were with in that newspaper photo. She was what? Twenty years younger than you?

[ Walt shook his head, exaggeratedly judgmental. ]

[His sneer softened when Walt referenced his girlfriend, the sharpness in his frown giving way to wide eyed anxiety. Oh, it was easier to dismiss and hiss when Abduxel was on the line, the demon knew both factions quite well -- but Raina? She provoked something more protective within Chilton's ribcage. He had to deflect.]

Come now -- you seem to be projecting a little.

[The psychiatrist did not remove his wrist, however, from Walt's iron clench. His downcast gaze slipped from Walt's borrowed face to Walt's borrowed chest, and soon to a corner of the floor. Chilton could only imagine what this scene looked like to the other patrons who happened to glimpse.

Chilton licked at his lips, hastening to conjure some additional retort:]

Besides. Practically everyone is junior to you, Walt. It's an unfair comparison between us.

[Some measure of dignity returned, sure, but Chilton was still held captive in public. At last he looked towards the bar, his brow creasing.]

Should we not find some seating...?

[It was more asking permission than suggesting.]

[ Walt stared at Chilton for a moment when his expression became something....he didn't think the man capable of. Was that concern for someone other than himself? Was that concern for Abduxel or the woman? He studied Chilton a bit too long, feeling a stir of anger without knowing the true source. And then he let go of his wrist in disgust. ]

Fine. You go find the seat. I'll be back.

[ He ignored the age jab and ignored the comment on projecting. Walt stalked off to the bathroom, disappeared into one of the stalls and just sat there for a few minutes -- trying to wrap his head around everything. Trying to make sense of it all. And when he emerged, not clear-headed but calmer, he was himself once again.

He left the bathroom and found Chilton. ]

Our first face to face meeting involved us sharing a drink. Do you remember it? Well, that's a stupid question. Of course you do. Do you remember every single detail? I should have walked out on you that day.

But you didn't, because I had intrigued you.

[Chilton said with some tonal playfulness in his accusation. He was already nursing a rye whiskey on the rocks when Walt returned -- both of them now true to form. The psychiatrist glanced Walt up and down, apparently in muted approval.]

I exuded enough prestige to catch your attention and hold onto it, Walt. You're far too brilliant and narcissistic to have found lasting satisfaction in teaching high school chemistry.

[Chilton always had a disdain for those of the teaching profession, and it was a relief to know that Walt was so much more.]

-- Even if you noticed the perks. How many other young men had you taken beneath your wing, I wonder?

Edited 2015-08-07 00:47 (UTC)

[ Walt gave Chilton a look and then paused to order his drink -- a shot glass of scotch. He didn't intend on getting drunk here, considering what just transpired after a night of drinking. But Walt hadn't slept at all the night before and he had barely eaten anything, having been too nauseous -- whether that was because of what happened with Jesse or the hangover, who knew. But either way, it probably wouldn't take much for him to feel the effects now, even though he only planned on having a couple drinks. ]

I'm sure you know the answer to that, Chilton. Don't pretend you don't know every single person I interact with and for how long, and what was said during the conversations. You are obsessed with me, after all.

[ He settled beside the other man with the glass hugged in his palms. ]

It wasn't so much intrigue, by the way. I hated you then just like I do now. But there's something comforting in hating you. I understand it. I'm sure it's why no matter what happens between us, we always seem to find our way back to this point.

You hated me. Even then? [This seemed to surprise Chilton -- or, at least, he hadn't anticipated this early vitriol so forcefully inspired by his usual charm. Another sip of his drink, and he set it down to lean closer into Walt's space. It was the sort of invasive leer he had long ago weaponized.] Who says animosity can't be intriguing, Heisenberg?

[The smirk he wore was predatory. Chilton moved to loosen the knot in his own tie, assuming some mimicry of ease and comfort.]

Hate is passionate. It's honest. There's nothing quite as forthright as hostility. And moreover it's the singular emotion that you know you can trust -- someone as emotionally unstable as yourself needs to know where he can tread without fear. What you have with me isn't like your protege usurping your dominion.

Is it?

From the very first conversation we had.

[ Walt glanced over at the man beside him, slightly startled by the personal space invasion. He drew back a few inches upon instinct, sacrificing so that Chilton could have more space to himself. Walt considered what Chilton had to say about hate until he said what he did about Jesse, compared them in some way -- even though there was no comparison. ]

You're not even bothering to hide that you're using this as an opportunity to analyze me, are you? Look, you don't know a damn thing about Jesse and myself. Jesse can never take what belongs to me. And he wouldn't want to. So there will be no usurping going on.

But it almost sounds to me like you're comparing the both of you out of jealousy. Don't tell me you want to be what Jesse is in my life.

Or is is the sex that you're jealous of?

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