slightlyoffchilt | - IC CONTACT POST FOR MASKORMENACE -

[ Walt immediately regretted making this call. There was a long stretch of silence. But who else could he talk to about this besides Chilton? Who else in his life could he say this to? Who else could he blame? ]

I...

[ Walt swallowed hard. ]

I fucked Jesse.

[ There it was -- out in the open. Exposed. ]

Just this morning. I didn't want to! He seduced me.

[ It didn't really take much.... ]

[A long, long pause.]

I am absolutely not taking responsibility for that, Walt.

[And how would this impact his patient's psychological state? That cocktail of personality disorders and chemical brilliance that Chilton had spent months coaxing along? Would this engagement stabilize Walt?

It was unlikely, Chilton decided. If anything, such a conquest would ignite Walt's sense of possession, and thus feed a feast into his BPD. Jesse Pinkman was more than the compounds and elements that composed him, and Walt would eventually be reminded of that; therein lurked the promise of an explosion.]

So Pinkman seduced you. [Chilton wasn't pursuing deeper context, not right now. His focus was on the man who was the subject of the book he was already writing.] And how did that make you feel?

Aside from the obvious.

[ Walt wanted to argue that if it wasn't for Chilton, he wouldn't have been confused. But at the same time, he didn't want to give the man that power. So he said nothing and focused on the question -- because he had to work through this. How could he even look Jesse in the eyes after this? ]

Wrong. And uncomfortable. And guilty.

Chilton -- I just cheated on my wife with my former student. I viewed him like a son for Christ's sake!

What the hell is wrong with me?

Do you want my professional opinion, Walt? [He waited a moment -- but not a moment long enough that would invite a response. This wasn't a duet.] You have issues. Plural. You're repressive and depraved, and you compulsively fight against those expectations that others place upon you. You crave an outlet -- [any outlet he could dominate and destroy] -- and deep down beneath that scandalized superego you're sporting, there's an id that simply delights in what you have done.

Because now he can't wipe you away, not like he could have before. Even if he wanted to do so.

Wow. Wow. I have issues? You have issues!

[ I'm rubber and you're glue.... as the saying goes. ]

Calling me depraved? Hah! I was drunk! My inhibitions were lowered. It had been so long since I'd been with my wife. No part of me delights in what I just did. I tried to stop it, for crying outloud!

I feel nothing but guilt and regret over it. It's not like what happened with you. I didn't feel guilty at all after that.

You impersonated a fanboy, lied to me, kidnapped me, held me at gunpoint, assaulted me, chemically assaulted me, bought me things for reasons that I'm still parsing through -- and you don't feel guilty? That all happened in a singular session, Walt! One session!

[Chilton abruptly clenched his jaw, realizing that Walt had lured him into an emotional argument -- something rather contrary to what Chilton wished to establish between his role as doctor and Walt's role as patient. He took a deep breath, and continued speaking through clenched teeth:]

You know you will never again see your wife. You're dead in your world, and she isn't coming here. Even if she did, what is the probability that she would forgive you? Hmm, Heisenberg? What's the decimal point likelihood that she'd ever want to look at you again? You already know this, and now you're taking it out on Pinkman. You are hunting for a replacement.

You cannot blame your actions on circumstance.

How many times do I have to tell you before you get it through your damn head -- that wasn't a session!

[ But Chilton's next set of words were vicious. Cruel. A horrible reminder of the life he left behind. ]

You don't know that. [ Though for the conviction his words hinted at, Walt certainly sounded defeated. ] There's a chance she could come here from before. Just like Jesse or Hank. They're here from before everything went to shit. You don't know that for sure!

God -- are you even trying to help me through this? Or are you just going to be a jackass about everything?

If you expected my help to manifest as coddling, Walter, then clearly you hadn't chemically tormented me enough.

[Well that sounded something like a challenge, didn't it? Always easier to whiplash the bravado when one was miles away from the extraordinary chemical nature of Walter White.]

You feel guilty over this breach in paternal propriety for a reason. I'm helping you illuminate why you succumbed to Jesse Pinkman.

[That language, at least, framed Walter as the passive variable in this equation -- not something that Chilton subscribed to, but he knew he couldn't appear wholly unsympathetic.]

Once more I see why you're a lawyer by profession.

Smart money is on Chinatown. Apologies if you were expecting something more pornographic.

Old school Nicholson? I'll allow it. Tonights good, right? We'll do it tonight.

Are you going to sneak in through the window? If we're not telling Raina.

Just send her out for the night. Give her a 50, smack her on the ass and tell her to let the men talk. That's how Connery does it so it must be right.

Yeah, well -- maybe we should change that.

[ Walt snapped right back in response to Chilton's commentary on the chemical torture. But Walt drew in a deep breath. Succumbed to Jesse Pinkman. It highlighted what Walt was most afraid of after the experience. The scale was tipping. Walt had lost his hold on Jesse. Jesse was doing the things he wanted to do, and Jesse had found a way -- a way to control Walt. ]

We had a fight. Before this happened. I...

[ And then Walt clammed up and closed off. ]

I don't want to talk about it.

[ Walt had to tread carefully with Jesse. This was his last chance to not lose him for good. So maybe it was time to shift focus to someone he could control. After all, Walt had Chilton in exactly the place he had wanted him. ]

You liked the watch, didn't you? I mean, I thought you would. You like those colors and you like expensive things. Are you wearing it right now?

I am. [He said, unthinking, an immediate reaction that slipped between his lips before he could catch it in his teeth. Chilton paused, quietly horrified at himself -- this was the equivalent of coming when called, as far as he was concerned. He hadn't quipped or sneered, he had answered Walt outright.

He had answered a questionably personal query outright. If he was wearing it; the watch itself felt like a locked cuff, and Walt held the other loop.]

And I thank you -- [continued Chilton, to save face.] For your generous donation. Truly considerate of you.

[ That? That was a wonderful thing. The way Chilton answered. The gratitude. Walt was appeased. ]

You deserved it.

[ Walt mimicked Jesse in what Jesse had said to him right before they were intimate. ]

Do you have any appointments for the rest of the night? Or is your evening free?

Of course.

[ The damn doesn't open in an instant; Ruka tilts her head to stare towards the ceiling, sighing, as if pushing out air enough will dislodge words from somewhere deep in her chest. It does not. She'll have to draw each one out with force. ]

You've been around long enough to know, that when some people exPort, and Port back in, they're not always the same person. Older, younger, different history—different memories. Sometimes personalities stick around, but not always.

I'm sure you've had your share of that, but... well, there aren't many ImPorts who have stuck around for as long as I have, and the ones who have aren't exactly people I would call friends.

Because of that, I know a great deal about people who have never spoken to me. Good and bad.

I have one more within the hour. You've chased off the one I had, it seems. [Which was somewhat disgruntling in of itself, but Chilton made no dwelling comment.] Don't tell me you're otherwise unengaged?

[Where is Pinkman, then? was the implicit tone.]

[ No big loss there. Chilton's time was more important than to waste on menial therapy with ordinary individuals. Even extraordinary individuals weren't nearly as interesting as Walter himself. Walt viewed this as yet another generous favor he was bestowing upon Chilton.

He didn't answer Chilton's question outright, instead countering it with one of his own. Though it wasn't really a question -- more an order that was thinly veiled as a suggestion. ]

Meet up with me for a drink. You can choose the place just to be sure your drink goes untainted. Although I can tell you now, you wouldn't have anything to worry about. I tend not to repeat the same trick twice.

[ Sometimes the methods were the same -- such as the dopamine he offered to Chilton. But the administration, the attack, the delivery were always unique and different. ]

You're still in Heropa, then? Because I'm staying on this side of town. [It was a hedging warning of sorts, a boundary established that might suggest how wary Chilton was -- especially now that Walt had so blatantly called out any insinuation of confrontation.]

There's a gastropub I'm familiar with, something perhaps right up your alley. In fact -- I know you'd like it. Pasteur Prime, that's what it's called.

See. I can be thoughtful too.

Why, because you relate, or because you admire me?

[Talking about himself is simultaneously satisfying and uncomfortable. His sacrifice. He chooses to avoid and side-step that particular wording choice. God, does he ever hate to think about it too much, and yet how he can't help but dwell on it constantly. He shifts his posture a little as the discussion moves to Elsa and he smiles like a man with a secret - but then, what else is new?

With purposefully over-acted faux-levity,]

Oh, have I? I thought you knew all about her. Well, you're right, she's far from a plaything - well, unless we're still talking about sex. She's hardly new, though; I think I first slept with her before I slept with Dorian...

[He trails off, visibly thinking, because he honestly can't remember if that's true.]

I am in Heropa, yes.

[ Though there was a hint of reluctance to stay in Heropa -- if only because they were trying to keep a low profile and there were just so many attachments in this city. But the likelihood of anyone going to the place in question was relatively low.

Small comforts. ]

So thoughtful.

[ Walt remarked dryly -- recognizing the subtle age jab. Bastard. ]

But that sounds fine. I'll be there in two hours. Hopefully you will as well.

[ You better be. ]

I'll meet you there, Mr. White, rest assured. I am a man of my word.

[Chilton didn't say Walt's formal name sarcastically -- it glided off his tongue, perhaps as a natural reaction to the layered paternal manipulation that Walt had been establishing for some time now.

Or perhaps Chilton was reinforcing that subtle age jab, the bastard.]

Because we both know what happens when I'm not.

[WOULD YOU LIKE TO ACTION HERE?]

[ YESSSS ]

[ Walt erred on the side of caution when it came to meeting with Chilton (and perhaps it was a tiny bit in response to the age jab) -- but he chose to go in his stolen face. Lucas Miller wore one of Walter White's suits, which was slightly oversized on him -- but if Walt saw Chilton had come alone or that they weren't in imPort company, he certainly intended on slipping to the bathroom and returning as his true self.

He sat by himself, browsing his communicator. He was the very picture of typical youth. And when Chilton showed up, Walt rose with a cheery smile -- perhaps a little mocking of their first encounter with this face. ]

Doctor Chilton. So good to see you.

[Chilton glanced over to catch sight of Mr. Lucas Miller's face before instinct hyped his limbs to jump. He hadn't expected to see that mask again, not after Walt had his way with the young victim's face. It was disturbing to endure more exposure -- the memory of Lucas's brutal grin while holding that gun to Chilton's head was still vibrant in the psychiatrist's mind.]

Psychological warfare, already? I thought this was supposed to be pleasant, Walt.

[A thought that was exaggerated in Chilton's mouth, surely.]

I meant more in relation, but I won't deny that you have admirable qualities.

[As Abduxel waxes on Elsa, Chilton lifts his chin to better examine the demon's face while musing. While the demon's itinerary of sexual partners proved amusing, Chilton couldn't help but dwell on what had already been said: she's far from a plaything. Was Elsa, then, setting the standard for the mutual respect that Abduxel craved?]

Is she loyal to you?

Edited 2015-08-05 02:42 (UTC)

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