slightlyoffchilt | - IC CONTACT POST FOR MASKORMENACE -

[Meeting Chilton's gaze, Tobias suddenly finds himself feeling unsure. He isn't medically versed and isn't quite ready to give up drinking just yet. Other than blood, it's the only thing he consumes, and he very much enjoys the taste of it.]

—If I may ask, what is an SSRI, and what is it supposed to do, exactly?

[Chilton has already mentioned there's no telling how it would actually affect a vampire, and so Tobias can't help feeling concerned. At the very least, it'd be good to know what the drug should be doing. That way, he could determine its effectiveness.

And then, of course, Dorian. He seems quite wary about Chilton and uncomfortable with the idea of Tobias seeking therapy from him. But in the end, he relented, accepting that Tobias wants and needs help. Still, Tobias swallows, hoping the dryness in his mouth will go away, and his tone is slightly defensive.]

...And how do you mean, about Dorian? Being with him, being around him makes me happy.

A selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor -- that is what an SSRI stands for. The drug limits the reabsorption of serotonin, which in turn increases the levels of serotonin in the synaptic cleft. The theory goes that individuals prone to debilitating depression and anxiety cannot properly process average levels of serotonin, and that compounds their psychological distress.

[Chilton waved his hand, impatient -- while it was wholly within Toby's right to inquire, Chilton didn't want to devil out the details. He was much too used to his own command.]

I am assuming your vampiric brain is still similar to its human counterpart.

[But he didn't know for sure, and that's why he wanted to experiment.]

Being around him makes you happy. [Repetition with lingering doubt.] In your current depressive state, he is like an intoxication to you?

[Tobias thinks he gets the general idea—normal levels of some brain chemical lead to distress, but there's a drug that could make more of said brain chemical. As impatient and dismissive as Chilton's answer is, Tobias caves to the suggestion, experimental as it may be. After what appears to be a moment or two of contemplation, he nods with some degree of understanding.]

Then, I think. I might want to give it a chance. An SSRI, I mean.

But Dorian, on the other hand... [When it comes to Dorian, it appears Chilton has his doubts. Meanwhile, Tobias himself needs a little longer to think about the doctor's question. Depressive or not, 'intoxication' makes what they have sound negative. For all that Dorian could be callous, dismissive, and completely narcissistic, Tobias feels he's found and owns a part of Dorian that is decidedly less self-serving and vainglorious. His Dorian Gray is different from what other people see of him.]

He's... Supportive, he doesn't try to control me or pressure me, even when we disagree. I told him I needed help and thought of going to you, and sure, he protested at first. But then he yielded to my decision, didn't push the point or try to argue with me any further. [Much like when Tobias had decided to take his own life thirty years ago.] So no, I don't think that sounds much like intoxication.

He certainly has you convinced that he's supportive -- it is much easier to believe the lies we find pretty, isn't it?

[Chilton smirked, one eyebrow raised. He slipped into that air of superiority, that expression of knowing, that had so often gotten him in trouble.]

Did he relent to your decision to seek psychological help because he supports you, Tobias? Or was it more likely that Dorian simply got bored of arguing with you?

He is a fickle man, after all. Isn't he?

[Chilton's smugness and certainty trigger anger within Tobias, who finds the insinuation insulting. He's all too quick to reply with great conviction.]

—Dorian may be like that with everyone else. But not with me. He wouldn't just become bored with me. If there truly were a point to be made, he'd have made it.

[It's through this angry outburst that his fear manifests—the dreadful fear from the swear-in, the possibility that Dorian would leave him. Dorian hadn't even imagined in their home world that Tobias would come back. And for the whole year that Dorian had been in this world, he hadn't so much as hoped to see Tobias again. He remembers Dorian's admission from their first conversation, when he'd broken into Dorian's place. Back then, Dorian had expected to see Abduxel, not him.

And so, as he continues, his protestations the very same arguments he wants to believe.]

He does support me, care about me, like no other. [A beat, and then a reminder:] I am his heart's desire.

Edited 2015-10-20 03:32 (UTC)

[The outburst was duly noted. Chilton didn't waver with his smug veneer -- if anything, his gaze focused with the scent of a hunt. He knew that, between the two of them, it wasn't himself who Toby hoped to persuade.]

Well. We will see, won't we?

[That was the art of doubt: it had to be subtle. It wouldn't do to push that concern too deeply, it wouldn't do to needle an already agitated vein. He would puncture, and slip that thought inside, and Toby's own mind would do the rest.]

I think a low dosage, to begin with. For a month, as a trial period. I would like you to note any side effects, and if any dire concerns arise -- you must call me immediately, understand?

[Chilton reached for his prescription pad, Paxil already on the tip of his tongue. Five milligrams to start, taken once a day.]

[It bothers Tobias how assured Chilton seems in judging his relationship with Dorian, and the way he seems to expect things to go wrong. But when Chilton moves on, so does Tobias, though he hardly feels any better now than when he'd arrived. He's still listening to Chilton's instructions, wondering whether the drugs might actually help him.]

... Yes, I understand.

[Still, he frowns and side-eyes the 'no drinking' business. Surely he shouldn't have to stop drinking; it's not as if Tobias ever got drunk anyway. So why shouldn't the drink be an exception? The only things he consumes are blood and alcohol, and as of current, his meal selection has only three varieties.

Then, he wonders if this concludes their first session. If so, he's coming out of it pretty awkward...]

Unless you have something additional that you'd like to share? Or discuss? This is, after all, your time.

[Standard psychiatric discussion. One must always give the patient the illusion of control.]

I am rather certain, for example, that you have acquaintances outside of Dorian. Those are also important influences upon your life.

You're not wrong.

[Though he's still scowling as he answers. It's so much easier to recall negative experiences than positive ones, and so Lucy, Laurie, and Sasha are the first who come to mind; they are all people who cannot accept who or what he is. At least, that's how Tobias sees things. But he now feels as if his thoughts are all muddled, or mentally exhausted.]

But I think it can wait. There's a lot to contemplate and get sorted, though... [Is that what these sessions are supposed to be for?] Would it be all right to get my thoughts better collected for next time?

Of course, Tobias. [Chilton adopts a more formal tone again, but one with just a hint of paternal indulgence. He quite often experimented with subtle tonal inflections, just to see what his patients might respond to best; everyone was unique with their preference, as it had to mirror their more unspoken needs.]

I think this session has already covered a significant amount of ground, don't you? You've done so well.

[As Chilton stood from his chair, he maintained eye contact with his patient.]

I look forward to hearing how your medication goes.

[Between Chilton's tone and short complement, Toby starts feeling just a little more assured. Something about it makes him feel somewhat accomplished. Then again, he did manage to open up about Ivar and the fledglings.

So he also maintains eye contact as he rises from his chair.]

Thank you, Doctor. Until next time.

- IC CONTACT POST FOR MASKORMENACE -

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject