- IC CONTACT POST FOR MASKORMENACE -

[slightlyoffchilt]

"Hello.

You've reached the direct line of Doctor Frederick Chilton. As I am not available at the moment, you might assume I'm quite busy with something pressing. State your name and business, and I will return your call."

Comments

text;

[slightlyoffchilt]

I can accept the terms of an open friendship, yes.

Do you need anything else for our open friendship romp? Maybe one bottle of wine isn't enough.

text;

[textualhealing]

I'm open to suggestions that don't involve dicks.

text;

[slightlyoffchilt]

You protest that a lot. Perhaps too much.

text;

[textualhealing]

Yup. You got me. I'm actually gay. I've been hiding it all this time.
Srsly tho have you ever been to Balls Deep? Best gay bar in Heropa. They fuckin love me there.

text;

[slightlyoffchilt]

Two things: I wouldn't assert you were homosexual, Jeff. Not completely. But anything short of that is fair game.

And no, suffice to say I have not. Is that where you want to take me?

text;

[textualhealing]

I do like dick the best. Trouble is, it's only my dick I like. I find male form the most attractive, but only mine. In fact, if I could be me-sexual, that is a thing I would be.
If you wanna come to this bar you're welcome to it. They'd accept you as one of their own straight away. It's the camp queen sass. We just gotta establish straight away that we're not together ok?

text;

[slightlyoffchilt]

You might be the most narcissistic person I have ever met, and I once enforced the treatment of serial killers. Good thing yours isn't malignant.

And, rude.

text;

[textualhealing]

You say that like loving yourself is a bad thing. If everyone was like me, body image would be a thing of the past. [No it wouldn't. Jeff still strives for perfection, constantly desperate for people to like him.]

It was a compliment.

text;

[slightlyoffchilt]

Do you consider me your sass content friend? Is that our relation? Quippy and lighthearted?

text;

[textualhealing]

I don't think 'lighthearted' really depicts either one of us too well, Chilton.
You still trying to establish your place in all this? Do you need me to put you in that place? Because I will.

text;

[slightlyoffchilt]

As much as this is bait for me to implore that you "put me in my place", I'm curious to know your legitimate answer.

text;

[textualhealing]

I dunno. I guess I consider to a quippy, sassy friend, sure. I also consider you annoying, an asshole and a high class troll.

text;

[slightlyoffchilt]

I am going to include that as testimony for prospective clients from now on.

Re: text;

[textualhealing]

I've already provided you with one winning testimony to your ad. You really do demand too much, Chilts.

High maintenance. That's another one.

[slightlyoffchilt]

As if having standards and rational expectations is something of a negative? I think not.

[textualhealing]

Your expectations can go way beyond rational.

[slightlyoffchilt]

You say the sweetest things.

[textualhealing]

Here's something sweet for you: You're going to Balls Deep, loser, or I'll kick your ass.

[slightlyoffchilt]

When are we going, then?

[Because Chilton is smart and won't call Jeff's bluff. Have you seen those abs?? He means business.]

[textualhealing]

[Smart. Those abs alone could kill a man. Somehow.]

I dunno. Whenever Raina lets you off your leash.

[slightlyoffchilt]

I'll have to give you a call back when such a monumental event occurs.

[textualhealing]

Don't worry, I'll probably hear the angelic chorus from my house.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Particularly funny, considering I still recall our apocalyptic Horsemen days.

[textualhealing]

I don't.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Time to get your head checked, Jeff. I know a good doctor.