slightlyoffchilt | - IC CONTACT POST FOR MASKORMENACE -

Duly noted. What time ought I arrive?

Whenever. I'm home all day. You got the address right? Oh and Chilton? Don't try and fuck around with my friendships like that again cause I will know and I will hurt you. If you wanna be manipulative trash in your own time that's fine, just don't try it with me. I like you. Don't ruin it.

You call me manipulative trash and say that you like me in the same text.

Friendship is so uniquely defined.

Friendship means I can call you that and mean it in a supportive way. I'm here to help you through your compulsive lying, buddy.

You're offering to be my armchair psychiatrist?

Sure. I can do that. I'm a good listener.

[No he's not.]

I am not in need of psychiatric help, Jeff.

Edited 2015-09-04 02:45 (UTC)

Needing someone to listen to you problems and needing a psychiatrist aren't the same thing. I guess I'm offering the former. Or none at all. I mean if you wanna pay me I'm willing to try the latter too, how hard can it be?

Your offer is noted. Not accepted, of course, but noted.

Should I bring over anything else, along with the wine? My dignity?

Nah you'd just lose that pretty much immediately in this household. If it's not a dog humping your leg it's a raccoon trying to restyle your hair.

[Jeff has somehow grown to tolerate it. Mostly because the pull of friends and company is stronger than his need to not have raccoons on his head.]

I require photographic evidence of these anecdotes happening to you personally.

Come over and you'll get to witness them. You'll get to partake too.

I have already dedicated my time for you, don't persuade me otherwise.

Hey, I'm just giving you prior warning of what to expect when you come over. I'd hate for anything to be sprung on you suddenly. Out of the blue. Like barely clothed women.